Currently Listening Die for the Government By Anti-Flag see related

wow i'm getting bad about keeping up with this thing.

i don't even know why i still have it. actually, i think

about writing, but then realize all i will do is bitch

about life and no one wants to read that all the time.

i mean, you've probably got plenty of other things on

your mind already and the last thing you want to hear  

is more complaints about stuff that doesn't concern

you. so really, i don't keep up with this thing for your

benefit, not mine. wow again. even i'm impressed at

how that went no where so fast. it's 3a.m. and i was

supposed to go to bed 1/2 hour ago. oh well. don't

have to work until 3p.m. anyway. and good night.

(insert bow and flourish of my imaginary cape here).

all i want to do is talk to you.

Currently Listening Drunken Lullabies By Flogging Molly The Son Never Shines(On Closed Doors) see related

i've been having a problem getting my life

together recently and i just realized why: i

have the will to survive but not the will to

thrive. so i just keep going through my

days, functioning at the almost bare

minimum. the only thing that really

makes me happy is dancing(music too,

but that's in with the dancing). which i can

only do so much of since i have to

maintain a job and such. actually i'm not

doing so well with the job thing. i go to

work just enough to pay my bills, but

nothing more. i'm going to have to find a

new second job this week. i'm behind on

my paperwork and would probably get

fired this week if i wasn't already losing

my position at the end of the week. the

kid i work with is moving. so not only am

i stressing about my job, i'm stressing

about finding another one at the same

time. which is really hard to do when you

work from 8:30 a.m. until 7p.m. and most

decent job offices are open from 9-5.

i feel so isolated from my outside(lower

48) friends up here. i hate resorting to

this thing to even be able to tell anybody

what's going on in my life. it's really hard

for me to really connect with people up

here enough to really trust them with how

i'm really doing. it was brought to my

attention the other day by someone that i

don't know well but have known since i've

moved here that, " I always look like

someone's taken and eaten my lunch." a

few things to point out here: 1. i need to

start keeping an eye on my lunch 2. wow,

do i always look that sad? 3. why is he

watching me? 4. why do my friends never

ask if there's something wrong?  i can't

think of any more obvious things right

now. i feel like a big ball of neuroticness.

i have no outlets for it so it keeps getting

worse. i'm becoming less and less

motivated to do anything and my

attention span is dwindling into

nothingness. even now, i keep getting up

to reorganize and color-code my closet.

that's just not normal. as further

illustration of my lack of attention, i'm

going to end this post because i've

forgotten what i was talking about in the

first place.

hey Leah, i'm wearing the faeiry necklace

you gave my for Christmas a few years

ago.

beer and ramen. hell yeah.

Currently Listening Don't You Fake It By The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Face Down see related

i hate being afraid to go out on public. i

haven't even opened the front door in a day

and a half. i'm tired, lonely, depressed, and

i need some warm weather(although it did

reach 30 drgrees the other day). i work

from 8:30 am - 7 pm monday through

thursday and 8:30 am - 3:30 pm on friday.

after that, i'm too tired or too broke to do

much else. so i just sit at home on the

couch and watch tv or movies with my

room mate and her boyfriend. they're nice

 kids and all but he's there like 6 nights a

week. he doesn't even leave until 12:30

(when i'm going to bed) and they spend all

evening lying on the couch kissing and

necking. i can hear them. not see them,

hear them. it's gross. i've started timing

how long they can go without kissing once

and it's 3 1/2 - 5 minutes. am i the only

one who thinks that's rude and disrespect

- ful to do in front of someone else? i've

had room mates before, both male and

female and i've never had any one of them

be so constantly hands on with their part-

ner while somene else was in the room.

during the week, i have about 5 waking

hours at home each night and he's there

for about 4 of them. am i alone in thinking

that's overkill? it's pissing me off. all i want

to do at the end of the day is take off my

bra and walk around in my pjs. is that too

much to ask? but i can't b/c he's there. i

don't feel comfortable walking around like

that with him there. and he's not picking up

on my "hints" about him needing to go

home either. you know, just subtle things

like him saying, "tanae, what time is it?"

me saying, "time for you to go home." or

"isn't it time for you to go yet?" and my

favorite, " you know you don't have to

stay until 12:30." and he just laughs it off

or ignores it. so here i sit, tired, lonely,

depressed, and pissed off. and now my

long distance isn't working so i can't even

talk to my non AK friends.